-Elphaba, Wicked
I'm kind of a theater junkie, so it is no surprise to me that these words have been floating around in my head the past few days. For me, truer words could not be spoken right now.
I've never been what one might call an "athletic" person. My "sport" in High School was cheerleading. I tried to run track in middle school, and they assigned me to the mile relay. I had to run 1 lap around the track, 400 meters, and I distinctly remember the coaches ragging on me because I was too slow. It made me feel like crap, and it made me feel like I was just not meant to be a runner. I had asthma anyways, so that worked as a nice excuse to not run. Even my husband, who has been in my life for the past 15 years had the balls to say that besides c25k, the only physical activity I've done is occasional skiing and swimming. That pissed me off. I coached middle school tennis and little kid soccer. I've taken yoga classes and dance classes. I've tried several exercise DVD's. I just never found something that seemed worth sticking with. I didn't find anything that got into my brain and invigorated me and made me want to keep going. As unexpected and crazy as it is, running has done that for me.
I finished my last run of c25k tonight. I planned to do it this morning, but Cory had to work at 5:30am, and then it rained pretty much all day long. For some reason though, I was determined to finish today. I took my kids to rehearsal until 9pm, and called Cory on my way home to tell him to get my running stuff ready. By 9:30, I was out the door. It was misting and darkness was falling. At first, Hallie and Leo followed me on their bikes. Yeah, I know...what are a 10 and 8 year old going to do to keep me safe from the boogie man? My theory was that there is safety in numbers. But then it got darker so I sent them home and told them to have Cory load the littles in the van so they could all follow me while I finished...because I wanted them safe but I also didn't want any creepers coming to get me. It was humid and sticky, and at some points the rain poured down on me, but I ran...and ran...and ran. And I felt good. I felt strong. I felt powerful.
When I started this Couch to 5k thing, I didn't know if I'd finish the first week, let alone the whole program. After the first few weeks, I kept running mostly to prove people wrong...and somewhere in there, it changed to running because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. And then, I started to secretly (and then not so secretly) enjoy running. Don't get me wrong, I hated it too - especially on the days when I had really crappy runs that made me doubt myself over and over again. But something made me want to prove that voice of doubt in my mind wrong, and it kept me coming back time and time again to run.
I am not the same person who started Couch to 5k nine weeks ago. I'm like Jen 2.0 or something. Somewhere in the middle of this journey, I became a runner. For a long time, I had a hard time calling myself that, but now, I feel like I've sort of earned that label. I have found a strength inside myself that I didn't know existed. I found willpower that I've probably only tapped into previously when giving birth to my children. I found the confidence to put myself out there and challenge myself to strive for even more than I ever knew I could do. I found a Jen that isn't just a mom, wife, and teacher. I found something that could be MINE, just for me. Something that I can do and be proud of, and its ALL me. When I run, it is me and the road ahead of me, and the possibilities are unlimited. Anything is possible, if I let myself believe that I can do it. I can guarantee you that I would not have typed something like this 9 weeks ago, but like Elphaba said, something has changed within me.
Tonight, my Couch to 5k journey is over. But I'm no where near finished. This is the start of the rest of my life as a runner, and I have some big plans! In 26 days, I'm going to finish my first 10k (6.2 miles). I may not run the whole time, but I promise you, I'll finish it. In 74 days, I'm going to finish my first half marathon (13.1 miles). Again, I probably won't run the entire thing, but I darn sure will finish. I've also got at least three 5k races coming up (8/10, 9/2, 10/5) and am on the lookout for more, and I'm hoping to meet my goal of running a 5k in under 40 minutes at one of those races.
Tonight, stuff starts to get serious. I'm making the choice to GO BIG! Going home, back to that old Jen, is not an option for me. I feel like finishing c25k is the beginning of my journey as a runner. I hope you'll stick around with me for the ride!
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