What the hell was I thinking deciding to start running again in February? It seemed like a good idea over the weekend, when we were in the midst of a heat wave and it was in the mid-forties. For today's run, Lucy and I were greeted by snowflakes.
We froze our butts off, but we did it. I was smart this time with my inhaler and breathing was actually easier for me, even with the cold. Yay for that!
Running in the cold is definitely not my thing though. My lungs were better, but not happy. Still...day 2 done and we didn't die. I'm calling that a success.
Monday, February 22, 2016
Saturday, February 20, 2016
Back in the saddle? C25K W1D1
I wasn't sure I'd ever come back to this blog. So much has changed in my life since I last wrote here, yet here I am. It is time. I miss running. I never thought I'd be one to actually say that, but I do.
Today, for the first time in over 18 months, I was able to run without pain. Apparently the soft tissue damage that comes along with a fractured foot takes a REALLY long time to heal. I think, maybe I'm finally there.
So, here I am....back at the beginning. I decided that I want to blog through the whole process this time since I missed the early weeks last time.
Today was C25K Week 1, Day 1.
The sun was shining, temperatures are amazing for February and I felt ready to get back out there. I used my trusty inhaler about 10 minutes before we left. That was mistake #1. Lesson learned, and next time I'll be sure to give myself the 30 minutes that I need. Wait, maybe mistake #1 was the pants that I decided to wear. They were too loose, I guess, because they kept falling down while we were running. Having to hike up your pants all the time is no fun, in case you wondered.
The first few intervals weren't too awful. Then, my lungs decided they didn't like being expected to work and the rest of the intervals sucked. Thank god you only run for 1 minute at a time during week 1! If you ever want to feel totally out of shape, go for a run with your 9 year old. Lucy was dancing and singing along to the music while I was busy huffing and puffing and generally trying not to die. That made me very aware of just how out of shape I must be, and it was a tad bit depressing. Thankfully her cheerful attitude was sort of contagious and I'm sure it made the last few intervals of running much more tolerable than they would have been otherwise.
When it all comes down to it, I survived. It wasn't easy and it won't be easy...but I know it will be worth it and I know I can do it because I've done it before. I think having that part of the mental battle already won is helpful. When I feel like I might die, I remind myself that I can do this. If I've learned anything about myself in the past few years, it is that I can do anything I put my mind to.
The 2.2 miles that we covered today is no marathon, but it's a first step back out there. It is 2.2 more miles than I did yesterday, and I'm glad that I did it...even if I did sort of feel like I might die a little bit.
Today, for the first time in over 18 months, I was able to run without pain. Apparently the soft tissue damage that comes along with a fractured foot takes a REALLY long time to heal. I think, maybe I'm finally there.
So, here I am....back at the beginning. I decided that I want to blog through the whole process this time since I missed the early weeks last time.
Today was C25K Week 1, Day 1.
The sun was shining, temperatures are amazing for February and I felt ready to get back out there. I used my trusty inhaler about 10 minutes before we left. That was mistake #1. Lesson learned, and next time I'll be sure to give myself the 30 minutes that I need. Wait, maybe mistake #1 was the pants that I decided to wear. They were too loose, I guess, because they kept falling down while we were running. Having to hike up your pants all the time is no fun, in case you wondered.
The first few intervals weren't too awful. Then, my lungs decided they didn't like being expected to work and the rest of the intervals sucked. Thank god you only run for 1 minute at a time during week 1! If you ever want to feel totally out of shape, go for a run with your 9 year old. Lucy was dancing and singing along to the music while I was busy huffing and puffing and generally trying not to die. That made me very aware of just how out of shape I must be, and it was a tad bit depressing. Thankfully her cheerful attitude was sort of contagious and I'm sure it made the last few intervals of running much more tolerable than they would have been otherwise.
When it all comes down to it, I survived. It wasn't easy and it won't be easy...but I know it will be worth it and I know I can do it because I've done it before. I think having that part of the mental battle already won is helpful. When I feel like I might die, I remind myself that I can do this. If I've learned anything about myself in the past few years, it is that I can do anything I put my mind to.
The 2.2 miles that we covered today is no marathon, but it's a first step back out there. It is 2.2 more miles than I did yesterday, and I'm glad that I did it...even if I did sort of feel like I might die a little bit.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
I'm a blog slacker...
Blogger FAIL on my part lately....
I ran my half marathon and blogged my lovely little blog entry and then I sort of disappeared there for a bit. Sorry about that! Life sort of took over. Between getting used to things with a new job, all of the fall activities for my kids, a knee that was still sore from my race, and attempting to raise 5 kids while working full time and doing a grad class I found it really hard to make time to run.
I also was left with this feeling of "What next?" when I got past the glow of finishing my first half marathon.
I had another one of those meetings with my health coach and my goal for the next 6 months was to get back on the horse when it came to running, because I knew I had been slacking. I had just committed to doing a marathon relay with some people that I'd met through Moms Run This Town, and I decided to use that as motivation to get my butt running again.
I think it worked for the most part. So, I ran the Grand Rapids Marathon Relay on 10/20 and it was really a lot of fun. It was also super inspirational watching the first half marathon finishers and then the first marathon finishers as they crossed the line. I still think I want to go for a full marathon someday, but I know I need more experience and at least a few more halfs before I commit to that.
At any rate...here a few relay photos.
4/5 of our relay team
2 full relay teams - pre-race
A funny post race group photo of 2 relay teams
Unfortunately, I was getting sick the day I ran the relay and spent the past week feeling awful. I convinced my 10 year old daughter to try C25K with me, so we went out yesterday and did a few miles of c25k week 1 day 1. It wasn't bad, but I still had some trouble with my breathing. Darn illness!
It is getting cold here in Michigan now, and I'm once again left with the not so desirable task of trying to find appropriate running clothes that don't make me look like the stay-puff marshmallow woman. Thus far, that has not been so fun. I find myself wanting to rant all over again about the lack of cute looking, nice fitting running apparel for women who are not a size 8 or smaller. If I can buy a size L hoodie in normal clothing there is no reason I should need a XXL running shirt or jacket. That is messed up! I left Dick's Sporting Goods feeling fat and inadequate last night (yet again) and that stinks! I am going to need to find some cold weather running stuff soon...but not at that store I guess. I am still not sure exactly what I need to be buying, since I've never run in the cold before. It is a daunting task when I not only need to find stuff that will keep me warm, but will also not make me look awful.
That is about where I am right now. I'm going to pester my kid into running again today, and I know she'll whine and self-doubt the whole time. I need to get her past that. She is so confident about everything else, but ask her to do some physical activity and she immediately goes into "I can't" mode. Mama is out to change that, people! If I can do this, so can she!
I ran my half marathon and blogged my lovely little blog entry and then I sort of disappeared there for a bit. Sorry about that! Life sort of took over. Between getting used to things with a new job, all of the fall activities for my kids, a knee that was still sore from my race, and attempting to raise 5 kids while working full time and doing a grad class I found it really hard to make time to run.
I also was left with this feeling of "What next?" when I got past the glow of finishing my first half marathon.
I had another one of those meetings with my health coach and my goal for the next 6 months was to get back on the horse when it came to running, because I knew I had been slacking. I had just committed to doing a marathon relay with some people that I'd met through Moms Run This Town, and I decided to use that as motivation to get my butt running again.
I think it worked for the most part. So, I ran the Grand Rapids Marathon Relay on 10/20 and it was really a lot of fun. It was also super inspirational watching the first half marathon finishers and then the first marathon finishers as they crossed the line. I still think I want to go for a full marathon someday, but I know I need more experience and at least a few more halfs before I commit to that.
At any rate...here a few relay photos.
4/5 of our relay team
2 full relay teams - pre-race
A funny post race group photo of 2 relay teams
Unfortunately, I was getting sick the day I ran the relay and spent the past week feeling awful. I convinced my 10 year old daughter to try C25K with me, so we went out yesterday and did a few miles of c25k week 1 day 1. It wasn't bad, but I still had some trouble with my breathing. Darn illness!
It is getting cold here in Michigan now, and I'm once again left with the not so desirable task of trying to find appropriate running clothes that don't make me look like the stay-puff marshmallow woman. Thus far, that has not been so fun. I find myself wanting to rant all over again about the lack of cute looking, nice fitting running apparel for women who are not a size 8 or smaller. If I can buy a size L hoodie in normal clothing there is no reason I should need a XXL running shirt or jacket. That is messed up! I left Dick's Sporting Goods feeling fat and inadequate last night (yet again) and that stinks! I am going to need to find some cold weather running stuff soon...but not at that store I guess. I am still not sure exactly what I need to be buying, since I've never run in the cold before. It is a daunting task when I not only need to find stuff that will keep me warm, but will also not make me look awful.
That is about where I am right now. I'm going to pester my kid into running again today, and I know she'll whine and self-doubt the whole time. I need to get her past that. She is so confident about everything else, but ask her to do some physical activity and she immediately goes into "I can't" mode. Mama is out to change that, people! If I can do this, so can she!
Sunday, September 15, 2013
And...SUCCESS!
It has been a bit between blog posts. I planned to do my last long run before my Half last Sunday and it was a dismal failure. As in, I had to call my husband to come get me after 4 of my scheduled 12 miles because I was on the brink of an asthma attack. I was really disappointed and wasn't ready to share about that yet, so I just didn't.
Today, on the other hand is a day that I must share.
This morning, after several weeks of training and hard work, it was finally time. The Capital City River Run Impression 5 Half Marathon....13.1 miles between me and the finish line.
We woke up at 5:30 and were on the road to Lansing by 6:15. We rolled into town around 7:45 and I headed over to pick up my number and shirt. It was almost time to go!
By the time I was 2 miles in, I was warming up and took off my long sleeved shirt. I was much more comfortable in the tank top, even if I did get cool a few times.
As I was running, songs would pop up that I had intentionally put on the list for inspiration...
Mile 3...Just Give Me a Reason (Pink) - Keely
Mile 4 - Gangnam Style (Psy) - Leo
At right about mile 4, I encountered my cheering crew for the first time. Seeing them there cheering me on made me teary again. I know that even though my running means time away from them, it is also giving them the gift of a healthy mom and a great example to follow as they grow.
Mile 5 - Girlfriend (Avril Lavigne) and Who Says (Selena Gomez) - Hallie
Mile 6 - I Gotta Feelin' (Black Eyed Peas) - Lucy
It started to rain lightly somewhere during mile 6. It actually felt pretty nice and lasted on and off through the rest of the race. Overall, I didn't mind it.
Mile 7 - Super Bass (Nicki Minaj) - this song always makes me smile and reminds me of a friend. If she reads my blog, she'll know its her.
Mile 8 - The Way I Am (Ingrid Michaelson) - Cory
That song made me feel emotional too. Cory has been such a big supporter of this running thing. He has done long runs with me (even though he wasn't really in the shape to do so), has bought stuff to fuel my running gear addiction, and has made the time to help me ensure that I could do the training needed for this race. He really does love me the way I am, and he supports me unconditionally. I could have never done this without him behind me. And not too long after that song came on, I happened to see my gang of cheerleaders again! This time, they tried to take pictures. Here I am, running on by...
I saw them again around mile 10....and they took more pictures. At this point I was sort of feeling my inner Forrest Gump come out. "I was running...and running...." I was still feeling okay at this point, but it was definitely getting to be a little more slow going. My knee had started to hurt around mile 5, and it got progressively more painful as the race progressed.
...and even though my legs hurt, and my body was tired, I KNEW I could do this thing. I would finish. I read somewhere that the last 3 miles of a half marathon are run with your heart, and that was definitely true for me. I kept telling myself, "It's less than 5k left. I can do this. I know I can do this!" I also took my earbuds out and finished the race without music. I needed it to be me and the road for that last few miles.
Today, on the other hand is a day that I must share.
This morning, after several weeks of training and hard work, it was finally time. The Capital City River Run Impression 5 Half Marathon....13.1 miles between me and the finish line.
Flat Mama photo the night before the race
We woke up at 5:30 and were on the road to Lansing by 6:15. We rolled into town around 7:45 and I headed over to pick up my number and shirt. It was almost time to go!
The number of people at the starting line was amazing, and the air felt electric with anticipation. I thought about all of the work that I had put in and how amazed and humbled I felt to be there. Then I got a text from a friend, as she said a little prayer for me and the other runners to have a good race...and I got a little teary. The whole race ended up being a little emotional for me, but I'll get into that later. Here is a shot waiting to get going...
I started my music and got going. My 2nd song was Eye of the Tiger...it seemed fitting as a song to start the race. As it turned out, my music was somehow set to play in a shuffled order instead of the set order I had chosen. This ended up interesting as the race progressed. By the time I was 2 miles in, I was warming up and took off my long sleeved shirt. I was much more comfortable in the tank top, even if I did get cool a few times.
As I was running, songs would pop up that I had intentionally put on the list for inspiration...
Mile 3...Just Give Me a Reason (Pink) - Keely
Mile 4 - Gangnam Style (Psy) - Leo
At right about mile 4, I encountered my cheering crew for the first time. Seeing them there cheering me on made me teary again. I know that even though my running means time away from them, it is also giving them the gift of a healthy mom and a great example to follow as they grow.
Mile 6 - I Gotta Feelin' (Black Eyed Peas) - Lucy
It started to rain lightly somewhere during mile 6. It actually felt pretty nice and lasted on and off through the rest of the race. Overall, I didn't mind it.
Mile 7 - Super Bass (Nicki Minaj) - this song always makes me smile and reminds me of a friend. If she reads my blog, she'll know its her.
Mile 8 - The Way I Am (Ingrid Michaelson) - Cory
That song made me feel emotional too. Cory has been such a big supporter of this running thing. He has done long runs with me (even though he wasn't really in the shape to do so), has bought stuff to fuel my running gear addiction, and has made the time to help me ensure that I could do the training needed for this race. He really does love me the way I am, and he supports me unconditionally. I could have never done this without him behind me. And not too long after that song came on, I happened to see my gang of cheerleaders again! This time, they tried to take pictures. Here I am, running on by...
At mile 11, I almost lost it. From the start of this running journey, Mumford and Sons "I Will Wait" has been on my running playlist. When it came on at mile 11, when my muscles were screaming at me, it instantly brought me back to that first few weeks of running. I could see myself struggling through those short intervals, barely able to run for 1 minute...and here I was 4.5 short months later running my first Half Marathon. The tears came then, and I think a few actually fell. I heard the lyrics...
"Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow.."
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow.."
...and even though my legs hurt, and my body was tired, I KNEW I could do this thing. I would finish. I read somewhere that the last 3 miles of a half marathon are run with your heart, and that was definitely true for me. I kept telling myself, "It's less than 5k left. I can do this. I know I can do this!" I also took my earbuds out and finished the race without music. I needed it to be me and the road for that last few miles.
The last mile was hard. I probably walked as much as I ran, because that is what my body would let me do. I just needed to finish. And when I came to the bridge and the track volunteer proclaimed, "You are almost there! Just two tenths of a mile and then you are done! You've got this!" my heart started to sing. I ran the rest of the way with a smile on my face. I did it. I really did it!
My gang was waiting for me at the finish line...and you guessed it, I cried. I cried with relief that I had made it, and with incredible pride in myself for sticking with it on this journey.
Five months ago, if you would have told me that I'd be running 13.1 miles in September, I would have laughed you right out of town. I never in a million years would have thought that I would ever be capable of doing something like this....but I did. I'm so very proud of myself and the changes that running has brought to my life. As my best friend Marcie posted today, I went from couch to crazy! And, I wouldn't have it any other way!
I am officially a Half Marathon Mama! My sister has a lovely 13.1 magnet for the back of the Mommy Van, and I'm slapping that little lovely on there as soon as I get it. I did it, people! I know I have posted this here before, but I think today more than any other, it is a very appropriate ending for my post.
So very true...and I'm so proud that I went crazy and took on the challenge of Couch to 5k in April. I never could have known that it would take me to where I am today, but I am so glad that it did.
OH! I almost forgot! My "realistic" goal time for my Half today was 3 hours. I finished in 3 hours and 42 seconds....so I'm calling that a goal realized. SUCCESS!!
Monday, September 2, 2013
Just keep swimming...I mean, running!
The reality of this half marathon is staring me in the face right about now. I have 13 days until race day. Part of me feels like I'm ready and I can totally do this thing, and the rest of me feels like I might just throw up thinking about it.
This past week was not my best for miles. I had so much planned, but then I got this painful, unexplained bruise on the top of my right foot that sort of sidelined me a bit. I got in 2 short runs - 2.5 miles and 3 miles - during the week and that was it. Kind of a bummer since those were supposed to be 5 miles each. The 3 mile run was actually the 1st ever Reeths-Puffer Adventure Run, which I did with my nieces Alexis and Krista, my daughter Hallie, and my son Leo. I think we look pretty good here!
Yesterday, I decided it was time to suck it up and get back out there. My supportive husband came along as I knocked out 10 tough miles. I felt good, but we were slow, because most of the run ended up feeling like a trail run instead of a road run. It was hot and humid, and I somehow got a blister on the bottom of my left foot. It started around mile 5 and by mile 8 it was really starting to hurt. I was determined to finish those 10 miles though. We took a few little walk breaks here and there, but the important thing is that I got the miles in. My sore right foot wasn't too bad, and that was encouraging too.
This morning, I was supposed to run the Labor Day 5k here in town, but decided to give my legs a rest and did the 4 mile walk instead. It was a good choice, and gave my muscles a chance to get some of the kinks out from yesterday night's run.
This weekend is kind of a big deal for me, when it comes to running. I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to make something a habit, and 4 months for it to become a lifestyle change. 4 months and 1 day ago, I started the Couch to 5k program. I think people think I am being funny when I say this, but C25K changed my life. And now, 4 months later, I've officially made a lifestyle change. I'm a runner. I made the choice to get up off my butt and DO SOMETHING to become a healthier person. I did it for my kids, and more importantly for myself. I am so proud of the progress that I have made over these months, and can't wait to see where the future will bring me. It has also been 2.5 weeks since my last coke...or any type of pop for that matter. Eventually I'll let myself have it as a treat every now and then, but I know it was an unhealthy habit that needed to go.
So, in celebration of making it 4 months into this running adventure, I have new progress photos. the scale may only say that I'm down 7lbs (on a good day, LOL), but my body definitely looks better, and feels better too. Here goes nothing...
Front view...these are different pants because the others ones are just too darn baggy anymore.
And here is one with the shirt pulled tighter, so you can see the belly shrinkage. It is funny because even though I don't feel like its smaller, when I look at these photos, I can see the progress. I should also add that 4 months ago, I would never even have entertained the idea of wearing pants like this in public...so that is some progress too!
The back view...I feel like the 18 week picture makes me look bigger because it was taken closer up and the shirt is bunched funny. Trust me when I say that the back fat is still shrinking.
And the side view. I pulled the shirt tight again for this one, because the one with the baggy shirt didn't show the progress like I wanted it too. My butt looks huge without the shirt hanging over it though. Darn muscles...my ass used to be flat before I started this running thing.
It may be slow progress, BUT it is progress. Plus, I swear I read somewhere that slow progress is more likely to be a permanent change, so I'll take it.
For now, until September 15th my mantra is like Dory's. I've got to "just keep running!" Even when it is hot or I am tired, or the kid's schedule seems crazy. I can't let myself slack off now. In 13 days, I'm going to cross the finish line knowing that I put forth my best effort...and I can't wait!
Yesterday, I decided it was time to suck it up and get back out there. My supportive husband came along as I knocked out 10 tough miles. I felt good, but we were slow, because most of the run ended up feeling like a trail run instead of a road run. It was hot and humid, and I somehow got a blister on the bottom of my left foot. It started around mile 5 and by mile 8 it was really starting to hurt. I was determined to finish those 10 miles though. We took a few little walk breaks here and there, but the important thing is that I got the miles in. My sore right foot wasn't too bad, and that was encouraging too.
This morning, I was supposed to run the Labor Day 5k here in town, but decided to give my legs a rest and did the 4 mile walk instead. It was a good choice, and gave my muscles a chance to get some of the kinks out from yesterday night's run.
This weekend is kind of a big deal for me, when it comes to running. I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to make something a habit, and 4 months for it to become a lifestyle change. 4 months and 1 day ago, I started the Couch to 5k program. I think people think I am being funny when I say this, but C25K changed my life. And now, 4 months later, I've officially made a lifestyle change. I'm a runner. I made the choice to get up off my butt and DO SOMETHING to become a healthier person. I did it for my kids, and more importantly for myself. I am so proud of the progress that I have made over these months, and can't wait to see where the future will bring me. It has also been 2.5 weeks since my last coke...or any type of pop for that matter. Eventually I'll let myself have it as a treat every now and then, but I know it was an unhealthy habit that needed to go.
So, in celebration of making it 4 months into this running adventure, I have new progress photos. the scale may only say that I'm down 7lbs (on a good day, LOL), but my body definitely looks better, and feels better too. Here goes nothing...
Front view...these are different pants because the others ones are just too darn baggy anymore.
And here is one with the shirt pulled tighter, so you can see the belly shrinkage. It is funny because even though I don't feel like its smaller, when I look at these photos, I can see the progress. I should also add that 4 months ago, I would never even have entertained the idea of wearing pants like this in public...so that is some progress too!
The back view...I feel like the 18 week picture makes me look bigger because it was taken closer up and the shirt is bunched funny. Trust me when I say that the back fat is still shrinking.
And the side view. I pulled the shirt tight again for this one, because the one with the baggy shirt didn't show the progress like I wanted it too. My butt looks huge without the shirt hanging over it though. Darn muscles...my ass used to be flat before I started this running thing.
It may be slow progress, BUT it is progress. Plus, I swear I read somewhere that slow progress is more likely to be a permanent change, so I'll take it.
For now, until September 15th my mantra is like Dory's. I've got to "just keep running!" Even when it is hot or I am tired, or the kid's schedule seems crazy. I can't let myself slack off now. In 13 days, I'm going to cross the finish line knowing that I put forth my best effort...and I can't wait!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
9 miles today...and 3 weeks to go
The past few weeks have been pretty rough for me running-wise. Summer finally came back to West Michigan and brought with it humidity and warm weather. These things are not my friends when it comes time to run, and my runs have suffered lately.
Crap is starting to get REAL when it comes to the half marathon training, folks. My "short" runs are supposed to be 5 miles long now. That didn't quite work out for me this week, but I did get in 10.5 miles worth of short runs this week (2.5, 3, 5), so I'm calling it good. Most days, it isn't an issue of being able to run the miles, but actually finding the time needed to do so before it gets dark. I had to hit the dreadmill to get in the mileage for those 2 shorter runs this week because it got too dark for me to feel safe enough to finish outside. That was not so fun. (I hate that thing.)
This week's long run was 9 miles, and I ran it this morning. First, I have to say that I am SO thankful to the people who clued me in to the port-a-potty locations along my route in North Muskegon, because I had a little potty emergency about halfway into my run. I hate public restrooms, and especially port-a-potties, but I was in love with that thing this morning, spiders and all. We were fast friends, and then I was back on my way.
The first 7 miles or so were actually pretty great. I kept a nice pace and aside from the potty emergency, I felt good. Mile 8 wasn't awful, but I started to get hot because I was running in direct sun for most of that mile. I was a little slower, but still not awful. Mile 9 was tough. My asthma started to bother me and I ran out of water. It was hot, and I struggled to finish. I may or may not have run into a few yards with sprinklers on to get myself wet to try and cool down during mile 9. Alright, I admit it. I totally did...and it felt wonderful. Anyways, I survived the 9 miles and didn't die, so we'll call that run a success.
And then something weird happened when I got home. I drank chocolate milk. I stretched, and then I sort of had a little mental breakdown. It took me 2 hours and 2 minutes to run those 9 miles, and by the end I was tired. I laid on my living room floor thinking, "How the hell am I going to run 13.1 miles in 3 weeks? At today's pace, that would be another HOUR of running!" I cried a little. I'm still not feeling super confident and that makes me sad. I made it through my run today and most of it was good. I should be feeling proud instead of this. Maybe I'm all emotional because my monthly visitor is here, I don't know. I just know that I need to find my confidence again somewhere between now and September 15th. I need to believe that I can do this thing. I cannot let the self-doubt ruin this for me. I just can't.
So, that is where I am right now. I need to get in a new head space, and quickly. This next week is bound to be interesting, as I have some really exciting stuff on my plate. I am going to need to be flexible to get my runs in with everything going on, but I'll make it happen. I hope!
Crap is starting to get REAL when it comes to the half marathon training, folks. My "short" runs are supposed to be 5 miles long now. That didn't quite work out for me this week, but I did get in 10.5 miles worth of short runs this week (2.5, 3, 5), so I'm calling it good. Most days, it isn't an issue of being able to run the miles, but actually finding the time needed to do so before it gets dark. I had to hit the dreadmill to get in the mileage for those 2 shorter runs this week because it got too dark for me to feel safe enough to finish outside. That was not so fun. (I hate that thing.)
This week's long run was 9 miles, and I ran it this morning. First, I have to say that I am SO thankful to the people who clued me in to the port-a-potty locations along my route in North Muskegon, because I had a little potty emergency about halfway into my run. I hate public restrooms, and especially port-a-potties, but I was in love with that thing this morning, spiders and all. We were fast friends, and then I was back on my way.
The first 7 miles or so were actually pretty great. I kept a nice pace and aside from the potty emergency, I felt good. Mile 8 wasn't awful, but I started to get hot because I was running in direct sun for most of that mile. I was a little slower, but still not awful. Mile 9 was tough. My asthma started to bother me and I ran out of water. It was hot, and I struggled to finish. I may or may not have run into a few yards with sprinklers on to get myself wet to try and cool down during mile 9. Alright, I admit it. I totally did...and it felt wonderful. Anyways, I survived the 9 miles and didn't die, so we'll call that run a success.
And then something weird happened when I got home. I drank chocolate milk. I stretched, and then I sort of had a little mental breakdown. It took me 2 hours and 2 minutes to run those 9 miles, and by the end I was tired. I laid on my living room floor thinking, "How the hell am I going to run 13.1 miles in 3 weeks? At today's pace, that would be another HOUR of running!" I cried a little. I'm still not feeling super confident and that makes me sad. I made it through my run today and most of it was good. I should be feeling proud instead of this. Maybe I'm all emotional because my monthly visitor is here, I don't know. I just know that I need to find my confidence again somewhere between now and September 15th. I need to believe that I can do this thing. I cannot let the self-doubt ruin this for me. I just can't.
So, that is where I am right now. I need to get in a new head space, and quickly. This next week is bound to be interesting, as I have some really exciting stuff on my plate. I am going to need to be flexible to get my runs in with everything going on, but I'll make it happen. I hope!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
I've gotta feelin'....
I've been trying to figure out exactly how to put what I'm feeling into words. And no matter how I do it, I am pretty sure that it will sound corny and silly. Oh well, I'm going to try anyways.
For the longest time after I started running, I didn't feel like a runner. I felt like, I don't know...a running imposter who was pretending to be a runner or something. I'd heard the whole "If you run, you are a runner" thing, but I wasn't buying it. I didn't feel like I'd earned the right to call myself a runner.
Somewhere along this journey, not too long ago, something changed. I started to feel like a runner...still a beginning runner, but a runner. I've still got lots to learn and that is okay. I think it is part of the journey. Somewhere along the line, running changed me and became part of who I am. I may not be the fastest person out there, (Let's be honest...I know I won't be!) or the most experienced, but it doesn't matter. I run for me. I don't run to meet someone else's perception of what a runner is or isn't. I am a runner, and my runs are mine alone. Fast, slow, in-between...they are all part of my journey.
So now that we've established that I am a runner, let's move on to the corny and silly thing.
It is kind of hard to put into words the changes that have gone on inside my brain. I joke that I went crazy and decided to run, and lots of days I still feel like that is true. But in all seriousness, running has changed me for the better. I'm not talking about physical stuff. I'm talking about changes in my psyche or something. I've found this strength and confidence inside me that I had lost somewhere along the line. It makes me feel sad to admit this, but for a long time I have felt very self-conscious about clothes and particularly colors. I made myself wear lots of dark colors and stayed away from anything fitted for the most part, because that hid the fat the best in my mind. I wasn't happy with my body, and I'm only now starting to see it as a work in progress. The change started with the running clothes. I found myself willing to wear a hot pink shirt, or those cute argyle print socks when I ran. I didn't care what other people thought about how I looked, because running in those things made ME feel happy. Slowly, that confidence and willingness to add color back into my life is creeping into my regular wardrobe. Not only that, but for the first time in YEARS, I'm willing to wear a dress in public...and because I WANT to, not because it is what is appropriate for some occasion. Not only have I worn dresses, but I've even felt (gasp!) a little bit pretty in them. I cannot even tell you the last time I really felt pretty before this summer. Sad, but true....but I'm getting there and I blame running. Instead of hating my entire body, I can look at myself now and find things that I do like. (My legs are looking pretty darn awesome these days, I think.)
I went shoe shopping the other day and the salesgirl was this super chatty college kid. She asked me about when I started running and then how I liked it, since I'm only in about 4 months. I looked at her, smiled and said, "It has changed my life." And I meant it. Not quite 4 months ago, I was a lump. I couldn't chase my kids. I couldn't run around the block if I tried. Now, the kids struggle to keep up with ME. I can run for miles, and in less than a month I'll finish my first half-marathon. It is pretty darn amazing.
I ended up with these shoes on that little shopping trip. I love them, of course. How could I not love hot pink running shoes?!?!?
For the longest time after I started running, I didn't feel like a runner. I felt like, I don't know...a running imposter who was pretending to be a runner or something. I'd heard the whole "If you run, you are a runner" thing, but I wasn't buying it. I didn't feel like I'd earned the right to call myself a runner.
Somewhere along this journey, not too long ago, something changed. I started to feel like a runner...still a beginning runner, but a runner. I've still got lots to learn and that is okay. I think it is part of the journey. Somewhere along the line, running changed me and became part of who I am. I may not be the fastest person out there, (Let's be honest...I know I won't be!) or the most experienced, but it doesn't matter. I run for me. I don't run to meet someone else's perception of what a runner is or isn't. I am a runner, and my runs are mine alone. Fast, slow, in-between...they are all part of my journey.
So now that we've established that I am a runner, let's move on to the corny and silly thing.
It is kind of hard to put into words the changes that have gone on inside my brain. I joke that I went crazy and decided to run, and lots of days I still feel like that is true. But in all seriousness, running has changed me for the better. I'm not talking about physical stuff. I'm talking about changes in my psyche or something. I've found this strength and confidence inside me that I had lost somewhere along the line. It makes me feel sad to admit this, but for a long time I have felt very self-conscious about clothes and particularly colors. I made myself wear lots of dark colors and stayed away from anything fitted for the most part, because that hid the fat the best in my mind. I wasn't happy with my body, and I'm only now starting to see it as a work in progress. The change started with the running clothes. I found myself willing to wear a hot pink shirt, or those cute argyle print socks when I ran. I didn't care what other people thought about how I looked, because running in those things made ME feel happy. Slowly, that confidence and willingness to add color back into my life is creeping into my regular wardrobe. Not only that, but for the first time in YEARS, I'm willing to wear a dress in public...and because I WANT to, not because it is what is appropriate for some occasion. Not only have I worn dresses, but I've even felt (gasp!) a little bit pretty in them. I cannot even tell you the last time I really felt pretty before this summer. Sad, but true....but I'm getting there and I blame running. Instead of hating my entire body, I can look at myself now and find things that I do like. (My legs are looking pretty darn awesome these days, I think.)
I went shoe shopping the other day and the salesgirl was this super chatty college kid. She asked me about when I started running and then how I liked it, since I'm only in about 4 months. I looked at her, smiled and said, "It has changed my life." And I meant it. Not quite 4 months ago, I was a lump. I couldn't chase my kids. I couldn't run around the block if I tried. Now, the kids struggle to keep up with ME. I can run for miles, and in less than a month I'll finish my first half-marathon. It is pretty darn amazing.
I ended up with these shoes on that little shopping trip. I love them, of course. How could I not love hot pink running shoes?!?!?
As for my runs this week...I've had some crappy ones. My 8-miler on Sunday was rough, but I survived. The heat and humidity have kicked back up and that is always a challenge for me. But, I'll keep on keeping on. There is no other option for me, because the miles need to get done. Crappy or not, I'm running them! They can't all be great runs, and I sometimes think I learn more from the crappy ones in the long run anyways. With that said, I'm hoping today's run will be a good one. If its not, oh well...at least I'll have gotten in some miles!
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