For the longest time after I started running, I didn't feel like a runner. I felt like, I don't know...a running imposter who was pretending to be a runner or something. I'd heard the whole "If you run, you are a runner" thing, but I wasn't buying it. I didn't feel like I'd earned the right to call myself a runner.
Somewhere along this journey, not too long ago, something changed. I started to feel like a runner...still a beginning runner, but a runner. I've still got lots to learn and that is okay. I think it is part of the journey. Somewhere along the line, running changed me and became part of who I am. I may not be the fastest person out there, (Let's be honest...I know I won't be!) or the most experienced, but it doesn't matter. I run for me. I don't run to meet someone else's perception of what a runner is or isn't. I am a runner, and my runs are mine alone. Fast, slow, in-between...they are all part of my journey.
So now that we've established that I am a runner, let's move on to the corny and silly thing.
It is kind of hard to put into words the changes that have gone on inside my brain. I joke that I went crazy and decided to run, and lots of days I still feel like that is true. But in all seriousness, running has changed me for the better. I'm not talking about physical stuff. I'm talking about changes in my psyche or something. I've found this strength and confidence inside me that I had lost somewhere along the line. It makes me feel sad to admit this, but for a long time I have felt very self-conscious about clothes and particularly colors. I made myself wear lots of dark colors and stayed away from anything fitted for the most part, because that hid the fat the best in my mind. I wasn't happy with my body, and I'm only now starting to see it as a work in progress. The change started with the running clothes. I found myself willing to wear a hot pink shirt, or those cute argyle print socks when I ran. I didn't care what other people thought about how I looked, because running in those things made ME feel happy. Slowly, that confidence and willingness to add color back into my life is creeping into my regular wardrobe. Not only that, but for the first time in YEARS, I'm willing to wear a dress in public...and because I WANT to, not because it is what is appropriate for some occasion. Not only have I worn dresses, but I've even felt (gasp!) a little bit pretty in them. I cannot even tell you the last time I really felt pretty before this summer. Sad, but true....but I'm getting there and I blame running. Instead of hating my entire body, I can look at myself now and find things that I do like. (My legs are looking pretty darn awesome these days, I think.)
I went shoe shopping the other day and the salesgirl was this super chatty college kid. She asked me about when I started running and then how I liked it, since I'm only in about 4 months. I looked at her, smiled and said, "It has changed my life." And I meant it. Not quite 4 months ago, I was a lump. I couldn't chase my kids. I couldn't run around the block if I tried. Now, the kids struggle to keep up with ME. I can run for miles, and in less than a month I'll finish my first half-marathon. It is pretty darn amazing.
I ended up with these shoes on that little shopping trip. I love them, of course. How could I not love hot pink running shoes?!?!?
As for my runs this week...I've had some crappy ones. My 8-miler on Sunday was rough, but I survived. The heat and humidity have kicked back up and that is always a challenge for me. But, I'll keep on keeping on. There is no other option for me, because the miles need to get done. Crappy or not, I'm running them! They can't all be great runs, and I sometimes think I learn more from the crappy ones in the long run anyways. With that said, I'm hoping today's run will be a good one. If its not, oh well...at least I'll have gotten in some miles!
No comments:
Post a Comment